life · personal

My last days

My life has been an oddly satisfying chaotic run-around.

My day always starts at 8.30 am or if I’m lucky, earlier. A shower is enough to wake me up and the cold and long, uphill walk that I will have to endure as I head to the bootcamp ensure that I am in shape and ready to continue the day.

I have a little pause as I drink the coffee my colleagues so kindly buy and that I keep forgetting to pay for.

Everything starts smoothly – a homework, a summarizer and we are thrown into the wonderful world of progamming.

For several times I will think I don’t understand and then slowly, things will settle in my head. My hands fly as I write in the iMac the school has provided all the knowledge that I try to absorb. There is little that isn’t written firmly in that document and that I will have to see later because I have a hard time studying any other way.

A break comes mid-morning and I feel like time flies to fast as I drink my second coffee of the day. I watch as my colleagues interact, what they are talking about and think about all the things that I could say but am too shy to say. They are eighteen guys and one girl that share all the knowledge I am also learning. Sometimes I feel dumber than they, sometimes we are at the same level. No one makes me feel inferior though and I am starting to love them.

Lunch comes around, after another two hourse of learning. I welcome it with a sigh, because I am starting to feel tired. Eat and head back to the bootcamp for my third coffee as I think I really need to bring lunch because I know I am missing a lot of things.

The afternoon runs smoothly and quickly. It’s almost five by the time someone says it’s break time. My fourth cup of coffee is spent as I watch and interact with my colleagues and perhaps my Master Coders and realise that I do consider them my family and I feel so well with them. I have my limitations but I don’t think I am pretending with them . This is who I am and I adore all of them.

As the classes fineshes, we end up staying in the bootcamp. Is like our second home, where we can go when we need or want and I feel another feeling inside me – I feel safe, like nothing can really hurt me and I just want to stay there.

I bid farewell when I realise I am still human and need to sleep. I don’t feel sad because I will see them tomorrow and I don’t feel unsafe as I take my walk back home, in the deep, cold winter of Fundão.

As I enter home and try to lock the door at the first try (I have yet to do it) I feel that I can do this, I can repeat this everyday and I need to get better. Usually I talk with my boyfriend, which I have left behind and who I love so much and miss even more.

I don’t feel  myself falling asleep – when I am aware, it’s already morning and everything starts anew.

And I never, ever, feel like it’s such a drag, such a horrible thing, to walk ten minutes, uphill, towards the bootcamp where three awesome Master Coders and nineteen colleagues await me.


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