personal

Why do I write and why I am writing here – A little intro do my interior self

I have been writing for as long as I can remember – literally. The first time I did put my thoughts into paper was for a Harry Potter fanfiction (yes, you read that right!) although back then I didn’t even know what I was doing. It was back when “The Chamber of Secrets” got released and I imagined if Harry had a sister and no one knew about it except Dumblore. I even did some things with Office Clip Art (it was back in 2000 and I was 8 years old so we only had Windows 95 back in my mother’s office). 

Either way, my first type of writing was fanfiction but it didn’t went far. As time passed, I got more and more ideas, like someone was whispering in my hear every single moment – many times in class I was just drifting because the only thing I could focus was the ideas, the sweet whispering of ideas, of worlds, of everything. Soon after, I found myself writing everything anywhere, to the point of my family just giving me notebooks so that I could have a proper place to write. To this day, I still have those notebooks and I still write a lot of things that suddenly pop in my mind at the most uncommon times (once, while I was working in a call center, I was talking to a costumer and writing an idea at the same time that had just ocurred to me). Because of that, I also have an addiction of buying every single pretty and cute notebooks and never writing on them (I think my ideas will ruin it. Never follow this mindset! Ever! Write, write, write!).

Writing has helped me a lot “unblocking” a lot of skills, especially writing and talking with other people – the more I wrote, the more I tried to write better, the better I became at talking to people and express myself. It was also the time when I started reading like crazy! It came to the point that, in my second year of middle school, I got an award – “Best Reader of the Library”. I had practically read every single book there was! I was also a top student back then and honestly, even though I was shy and kept to myself, I was so happy when I got to the end of the day understanding everything I had learned and seeing my grades being top was awesome!

But I digress – I ketp writing and writing until I entered college. Everyting went downhill from there.

I didn’t had any imagination, creativity, I was confused and then my course was more and more demotivating. This went on for four years, until this year, when I went for my Erasmus experience and everything changed. For the better.

I had lost myself along those years in the middle of high shcool to college life. I had lost my purpose, I had lost myself completely. I didn’t even know who I was. Fortunately, Madrid changed me to my true self – I started to write more, I became more and more aware of the world around me (which sometimes isn’t that good!) and I started to have an “hitch” – I wanted to write again, this time to the public. I was always shy about showing people what I wrote – I have a short tale published because at the time my mom supported me and the only person who actually read it was my older brother (I am still embarrassed to show it to my boyfriend, which is really stupid!) but in Madrid, I realised that I had nothing to fear. If people wouldn’t like it, it wasn’t my problem – my problem was NOT writing, was trying to shut off the whispers, the ideas, the worlds and lives inside my imagination. I tried to kill them off and that was just worse!

Now, I got that sudden urge again, of writing, of sharing things! I want to shar my ideas, I want to share the worlds I creat constantly, I want to share my experiences with the worlds and help everyone I can. I want to be able to go back to those days, where I could express myself, where I feared nothing because I had confidence and I had knowledge. I want to focus on the things that really matter to me – write my stories, my experiences and start my new life of progamming – a project I have since last year but only know I truly can do it. Udacity has helped me a lot with that – their courses are simple and direct – and my boyfriend as well – the fact that he is a mathematician helps when I have major doubts and is helping me prepare for the exam I will be taking next June.

Because of all of this, I started this blog. I wanted to share things that matter to me, that make me happy. There are a lot of new things coming up (like make up and fashion that I am beginning to take an interested on- it’s fun!) as well it’s a perfect place to share my photographies – an hobby that I have become more and more addict. In the future, as soon as my camere gets here, recording will be the next thing – I love recording every place I go, because I always feel that it can show what I actually want to show, in a way that photography can’t (I already set up an Youtube Channel if you want to check it out already).

Honestly, I still have a ways to go – a lot actually and I need to polish a lot of my skills. But I will get because I have the motivation to do it.

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One thought on “Why do I write and why I am writing here – A little intro do my interior self

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